“I truly believe there is no significant change without significant relationships,” said Sharon Eubank, former First Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency. February 2018
“And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory” (D&C 130:2)
MY RELATIONSHIPS and MY MENTAL HEALTH
“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. “This is the first and great commandment. “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:37–39).
CONNECTION & THE KIND OF CONNECTION MATTERS
Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives. People who are more socially connected to family, friends, or their community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer, with fewer mental health problems than people who are less well connected.
It’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship, but it’s the quality of your close relationships that matters. Living in conflict or within a toxic relationship is more damaging than being alone. Mental Health Foundation
"To practice courage, compassion and connection is to look at life and the people around us, and say, 'I'm all in'". - Dr. Brene Brown, 2010
Connection: "The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship." - Dr. Brene Brown, 2010
As connection in relationships increases; conflict in relationships decreases.
QUALITY MATTERS
“We build [relationships] one person at a time,” said Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
"First, our relationship with God is most sacred and vital. We are His spirit children. He is our Father. He desires our happiness. As we seek Him, as we learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, as we open our hearts to the influence of the Holy Spirit, our lives become more stable and secure...
"Our second key relationship is with our families. Since “no other success can compensate for failure” here, we must place high priority on our families. We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other...
"The third key relationship we have is with our fellowman. We build this relationship one person at a time—by being sensitive to the needs of others, serving them, and giving of our time and talents. I was deeply impressed by one sister who was burdened with the challenges of age and illness but decided that although she couldn’t do much, she could listen...
"The fourth key relationship is with ourselves. It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential." Of Things That Matter Most, October 2010
BEWARE OF PREJUDICE & BIAS
2 Nephi 26:33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.
"All people are your brothers and sisters—including, of course, people who are different from you or disagree with you. Heavenly Father wants His children to love each other. When you serve His children, you are serving Him.
"Treat everyone as a child of God. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, you can lead out in treating people of all races and religions and any other groups with love, respect, and inclusion—especially those who are sometimes victims of hurtful words and actions. Reach out to those who feel lonely, isolated, or helpless. Help them feel Heavenly Father’s love through you."For the Strength of Youth, 2022
BOUNDARIES ARE OK ... EVEN NECESsARY at TIMES
"Does the Lord expect me to love everyone, even those who treat me badly? The Lord expects you to love your enemies and pray for those who mistreat you. However, that does not mean you should stay in a situation that causes you emotional, physical, or spiritual harm. Set healthy boundaries to keep yourself safe. If you are being bullied or abused—or if you know this is happening to someone else—talk to a trustworthy friend or family member." For the Strength of Youth, 2022
Sister Kristen M. Yee of the General Relief Society Presidency: "Please know that forgiving someone does not mean that you put yourself in a position where you will continue to be hurt. 'We can work toward forgiving someone and still feel prompted by the Spirit to stay away from them.'" October 2022 General Conference
Beware of co-dependency
Signs of codependency include:
Difficulty making decisions in a relationship.
Difficulty identifying your feelings.
Difficulty communicating in a relationship.
Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself.
Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem
A word about Social Media
Use social media to uplift. Social media can be a powerful communication tool. If you use it, focus on light, faith, and truth. Don’t compare your life to what other people seem to be experiencing. Remember that your worth comes from being a child of heavenly parents, not from social media. For the Strength of Youth, 2022
Seek wholesome experiences and real and lasting relationships. Be careful that your use of technology and media does not replace spending in-person time with family and friends. Social media and other technology can take much of your time without giving a lot of value in return. Take a break from the virtual world, and connect with people in real life. For the Strength of Youth, 2022
MODALITY: CHRISTLIKE COMMUNICATION
Elder L. Lionel Kendrick of the Seventy taught: “Christlike communications are expressed in tones of love rather than loudness. They are intended to be helpful rather than hurtful. They tend to bind us together rather than to drive us apart. They tend to build rather than to belittle.
“Christlike communications are expressions of affection and not anger, truth and not fabrication, compassion and not contention, respect and not ridicule, counsel and not criticism, correction and not condemnation. They are spoken with clarity and not with confusion. They may be tender or they may be tough, but they must always be tempered.
“The real challenge that we face in our communications with others is to condition our hearts to have Christlike feelings for all of Heavenly Father’s children. When we develop this concern for the condition of others, we then will communicate with them as the Savior would. We will then warm the hearts of those who may be suffering in silence. As we meet people with special needs along life’s way, we can then make their journey brighter by the things that we say.
“Christlike communications will help us to develop righteous relationships and ultimately to return to our heavenly home safely. May we treasure the divine gift of communication, and may we use it wisely to build and to assist others on this marvelous journey through mortality” (“Christlike Communications,” Ensign, Nov. 1988, 24).
Alma 18 What was Ammon's non-verbal and verbal communication with King Lamoni? What were the outcomes of this kind of communication?
Set aside time to communicate.
Listen first. Maintain eye contact. Face the person. Be at their level. Show genuine interest and attention.
Think about what you want to say.
Respectfully explain what is bothering you. If you are critical or angry, people are likely to become defensive rather than cooperative. Explain your problem and what you need rather than criticizing bothersome behavior. For example, “I have a real dislike for dirty dishes, but I also don’t like doing them all myself. I wonder if we could set up a way to share this job.” Or, “I worry you’re angry with me when you’re so quiet. Could you tell me what you’re thinking?”
Be straightforward and kind. Avoid negative labels or judgments. Don’t bolster your position with long lists of others' faults. Try to keep an even tone that is not angry or self-pitying (see Ephesians 4:29–32).
Don’t take offense. Take suggestions, even if rudely given, with as much grace and humor as you can muster.
Tone matters.
Accept responsibility for your own feelings.
Compliment often. Thank others for things you appreciate.
Ask others for feedback on how you can improve. Also ask the Lord to help you see your weaknesses (see Ether 12:27).
Try to do something nice for others every day.
Non-verbal communicatioN
When we communicate, we can say a lot without speaking. Our body posture, tone of voice and the expressions on our face all convey a message. These non-verbal means of communicating can tell the other person how we feel about them. If our feelings don’t fit with our words, it is often the non-verbal communication that gets ‘heard’ and believed. For example, saying ‘I love you’ to your partner in a flat, bored tone of voice, gives 2 very different messages. Notice whether your body language reflects what you are saying. Better Health Channel
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