President Spencer W. Kimball: "If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life would be calamity. But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the premortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective” (Faith Precedes the Miracle, 97).
HOW YOU SEE DETERMINES WHAT YOU SEE
Alma 62:41 But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.
D&C 121:7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
2 Nephi 9:39 ... to be spiritually-minded is life eternal.
Elder Dale G. Renlund: "In the late 1980s a man I will call Mr. Brown came to a hospital in Salt Lake City with severe heart disease. Despite the most advanced medications available, his heart could not adequately support his circulation. His medical providers determined that he would soon die without a heart transplant. While he waited for a suitable donor heart, his condition worsened and surgeons had to implant mechanical pumps.
At that time mechanical pumps were useful for only a short time. After a few days other organ systems would begin to fail. All involved in Mr. Brown’s care knew that if a donor heart did not become available soon, he would certainly die.
A suitable donor heart became available, and Mr. Brown received a new heart. Unfortunately, the heart did not work. Now his situation became dire. But just as his doctors were about to give up, another donor heart became available. This donor heart was marginal at best and could not be used for any other recipient. The doctors involved in Mr. Brown’s care decided that this marginal heart was his last hope and that they should attempt to use it.
Mr. Brown soon underwent another operation, and within hours he began to recover. The mechanical pumps were removed, and over the course of 10 days he was ready to be discharged from the hospital.
The day before his discharge, I walked into Mr. Brown’s hospital room and noticed that something was not right. He looked angry. He sat on his bed, gripping the hospital tray with his breakfast on it.
“Mr. Brown, what is wrong?” I asked.
Through clenched teeth, he replied, “The oatmeal isn’t hot, and the milk isn’t cold!”
Think of it! Ten days before, Mr. Brown was near death. Now he was complaining about the hospital food. For that moment he had lost sight of the bigger picture—of where he had been and of the future he now had. He would go on to live 18 years with an excellent quality of life and die of something unrelated to his heart.
It is easy to fall into the same trap that Mr. Brown found himself in that morning in the hospital, having lost sight of the long-term perspective. When our day-to-day challenges loom before us, it is natural to focus on the here and now. But when we do, we may make poor choices, become depressed, or experience hopelessness. Because of this human tendency, prophets have admonished us to remember the eternal perspective. Only then can we successfully navigate mortality." March 2014 Ensign
DIALECTIC BEHAVIOR THERAPY
The “dialectic” in dialectical behavior therapy is an acknowledgment that real life is complex, and health is not a static thing but an ongoing process hammered out through a continuous Socratic dialogue with the self and others. It is continually aimed at balancing opposing forces and investigating the truth of powerful negative emotions.
DBT acknowledges the need for change in a context of acceptance of situations and recognizes the constant flux of feelings—many of them contradictory—without having to get caught up in them. Psychology Today
The six main points of DBT are to develop skills related to (1) accepting circumstances and making changes, (2) analyzing behaviors and learning healthier patterns of responding, (3) changing unhelpful, maladaptive, or negative thoughts, (4) developing collaboration skills, (5) learning new skills, and (6) receiving support. VeryWellMind
dialectic: a method of examining and discussing opposing ideas in order to find the truth. Example: A dialectic is when two seemingly conflicting things are true at the same time. For example, “It's snowing and it is spring”. You might also see dialectics when in conflict with other people. I like to think of it as having an elephant in the room with two blindfolded people on opposite ends of the elephant.
Socratic dialogue: A method of assisting people to determine how accurate and helpful certain thoughts may be. Specifically, this is done by exploring how the client came to have those thoughts, and evaluating the evidence regarding those and other possible thoughts.
PRACTICE
When confronted with a certain situation or circumstance, you are bound to have certain thoughts and/or feelings about it. Just because you have a thought or feeling about yourself, another person, an event, etc., does not mean you have to dwell on that thought or feeling and spiral out of control (freak out). Sometimes, the most difficult of circumstances end of being our greatest sources of strength and power.
By asking yourself (or someone you might want to help) some questions like the following, you can begin to gain perspective on your and others' thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
Why do I think/feel this way?
Where did this thought/feeling originate?
Is the thought true? Is the feeling valid?
If the thought is true (or the feeling valid), where does it fit in my life?
Is there another way to think or feel about myself, another person or a situation?
If I continue to think/feel this way, what will be the outcome?
If I put this thought or feeling in its proper place, what will be the outcome?
Who is a safe person I can bounce my thoughts/feeling off of? Who will listen and not judge?
Scenarios:
Peter studied so hard for his biochem exam. He has just returned from his mission and wants to do so well in school. It's been awhile since he's studied for an exam. Studying on a mission was different. Peter wants to be a surgeon someday, so he knows he must buckle down and really understand the concepts and principles of all these classes he's taking so he can earn the grades to get into medical school later on. He earned a "C" on the test and is feeling so inadequate right now. He's second guessing himself. Maybe he's not cut out to be a doctor or surgeon.
Sara's boyfriend, Max, just broke up with her. Again. They have known each other since high school and now they are both almost ready to graduate college. Max served a mission to Texas. Sara wanted to serve a mission, but she was dating Max and thought they were going to get married, so she ended up not going. She really loves her graphic design program, though, and excels at it. She already has a job lined up after graduation, but she is so frustrated with Max right now. For three years, it's been an on-again/off-again relationship. She is mad at Max, mad at herself. She feels like she's wasted so much time.
Carrie's aunt and uncle were just in a horrible motorcycle accident where they were both killed. They were only in their mid-50s and have two kids who are still in high school. The funeral was so sad and Carrie can't get it out of her mind that her cousins are now orphans. She is questioning why God would allow this to happen. Her aunt and uncle were awesome people and they had just had a family dinner earlier in the week. They laughed and enjoyed each other's company, and by the end of the week, they were all together again, but this time, at a funeral. Carrie is feeling so, so sad about the whole situation. She doesn't think she can every be happy again.
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